Or was I?
You see, I actually did write a preview for the Eastern Conference squads. Once this section was completed, I tried to post it and that's where I realized the Man was trying to kill the trillest blog in America. What the Man didn't realize is you can't stop the Goggles, you can only hope to contain it!
Here is the season preview you almost never saw. This is like an unreleased 2Pac album being discovered and released right now, and that album is entirely Bad Boy disses. Bear with me though, because some of these are absolute misfires, but fuck it, let's see how close I was to predicting this season. Besides necessary edits, this post has not been altered since it was originally composed, so buckle up.
*****************************************************************************
Before diving into what is shaping up to be one of the most intriguing seasons in history, I want to take a moment to appreciate the one year anniversary of the Kareem’s Goggles and Stockton’s Shorts Basketball Blog. I want to give a huge thanks to all of the supporters and dedicated readers that have followed this blog. I know I wasn’t always diligent with the posts, but this season you will see more consistency on my part, as well as more contributions from other writers. Of course, there is one group of people I want to give a special shout out to.
To all of the people that ever doubted my passion for writing or the NBA, to all the people that scoffed at the idea of a basketball blog, to all the people that claimed they believed in me but sincerely felt I couldn’t become a writer, this one is especially for you:
That goes for your staff, record label, and motherfucking crew, too!
While it feels good to channel my inner Michael Jordan and blast any person that’s ever slighted me before, the real reason why we’re all here today is to discuss the NBA season that begins tomorrow night. As I mentioned in the introduction, this season is providing even more storylines and questions than last year’s drama filled season. LeBron James has built a new big three back in Cleveland; the Spurs look to repeat as champions for the first time in their storied franchise; Derrick Rose and Kobe Bryant look to erase the doubt surrounding their status as elite players; the once mighty Pacers mourn the lost of Paul George; the middle pack of the Eastern Conference greatly improved; the Western Conference is still as tough as ever; will a new face emerge as an MVP candidate while we wait for the return of Kevin Durant?
HOW CAN THEY WIN:
Hahahahahaha. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. Let’s just move on.
WHY THEY WILL LOSE:
Like most fans, I am simultaneously appalled and mildly impressed by the 76ers commitment to losing. On one hand, they are completely dedicated to their rebuilding process and aren’t shy about the fact they have no desire to win. And the shitty part is, it’s kind of working. The Sixers have three, talented players in Michael Carter-Williams, Nerlens Noel, and Joel Embiid, along with the hope of more lottery players to come. The catch is that, as of right now, those are their only good players and we haven’t even seen what Nerlens or Embiid can really do yet. In other words, this team could somehow be more miserable to watch this year than last season. Unless you’re a fan of watching Tony Wroten taking 20 shots a game, this year will be rough for Philly as they willingly trudge their way back to the lottery.
#14 Orlando Magic
HOW THEY CAN WIN:
It seems like a lifetime ago that the Magic were being led to the NBA Finals by Dwight Howard.
The organization has been in shambles since Dwight took off for, what seemed at the time, greener pastures in Los Angeles. During that time, the Magic have added some intriguing young players that could develop into a force within the next few years. They have their own makings of a “lob city” in the form of rookies Aaron Gordon and Elfrid Payton. Joining Payton in the backcourt is high energy guard Victor Oladipo, which could lead to a defensive backcourt we haven’t seen since Joe Dumars and Isiah Thomas (ridiculously high praise, I know. But I’ve said crazier things before that ended up working out so stay tuned). They also have a highly productive frontcourt with Channing Frye canning shots from the perimeter and Nikola Vucevic putting on clinics in the post.
WHY THEY WILL LOSE:
Despite all of the good things Orlando has going for them, they are still a minimum three years away from reaching their potential. All of their best players, with the exception of Frye and Vucevic, are all very young in their NBA careers. This team is your prototypical, young NBA team. Sure, they’ll have flashes of brilliance and the occasional game where they take out a playoff caliber team. But this team will spend most of the season trying to figure their shit out and finding an identity as a team. It doesn’t help matters that the Magic have players in Maurice Harkless, Tobias Harris, and Andrew Nicholson, that all play similar positions and haven’t established themselves as dependable rotation players. To compound the issue, their coach seems thoroughly overwhelmed most of the time, despite being a Popavich product.
Since the Magic are going to suck this season, I say they embrace it. How so? Well, reports surfaced months ago that Tracy McGrady is eyeing one last hurrah in the NBA (even though I thought that already has happened like three different times). My suggestion? Orlando brings T-Mac back and constantly force feeds him the ball and making him shoot 30 times a game, just for nostalgia sake.
#13 Boston Celtics
HOW CAN THEY WIN:
Oh boy, talk about a team with no direction right now. Now we all know how much I despise this team considering that I am a huge Lakers fan. But as I mentioned last season, rooting against this team is no fun. In fact, I feel kind of bad for them. Watching the Celtics these past few seasons have been like watching those late-night-adopt-an-abused-puppy commercials.
Oh God, NO! CHANGE IT! SOMEONE CHANGE THE CHANNEL NOW!!!!
Alright, I’m going to cut the bullshit. I’m ecstatic that the Celtics are even more abysmal than the Lakers this season. For the NBA’s sake, I hope they figure it out and regain their status in the league. Meanwhile the Laker fan in me is screaming, “Yes they deserve to die! And I hope they burn in hell!”
So how can they win? Well it begins and ends with Rajon Rondo and the bajillion question marks surrounding him this season. Primarily: Is he going to get traded? How is he going to play with such mediocre talent? Is he going to be able to fully bounce back from his ACL injury? Well, if they have any hope of winning, they will either need Rondo to stay and play out of his mind or they need to trade him for a game changing player. In a perfect world for the C’s, Rondo stays while Avery Bradley and Jeff Green blossom into near All-Star level players, and Coach Brad Stevens brings some of his NCAA underdog magic with him this season.
Rondo is so far gone it’s not even funny. The worst part for the Celtics is that they aren’t going to get much in return for him because that’s not how the NBA works. I mean, what was the last fair trade you heard in the NBA? The bottom line is that the team that trades for a star player are trying to add to their best assests, not subtract. Therefore they, along with the star player, will use that leverage to bend the front office until they break and concede to trading their star player for some picks and four guys whom names we won’t even remember after one season. The other problem is that Rondo’s trade value isn’t what it was after the 2012 season. So demanding a franchise player in return for Rondo is insane. I have a feeling that Rondo will be dealt long before the trade deadline and the Celtics will limp back to the lottery.
[Editor's note: I slammed my face against my desk for ten straight minutes after re-reading that today. Damn you Danny Ainge and Brad Stevens!!!]
#12 Indiana Pacers
HOW THEY CAN WIN:
The amount of Olde English I’m pouring for the Pacers right now is so ridiculous I think I’m getting these plants drunk. But we’ll get to that in a second. The Pacers will be a totally different team this season, but they will still have the services of the Weapons of Post Destruction in Roy Hibbert and David West. This may actually help coach Frank Vogel with his unimaginative offense as he has no choice but to dump the ball inside and play old-school-smash-mouth basketball. For all we know, we could see George Hill returning to his San Antonio form (ya know, back when he used to start over Tony Freaking Parker) now that Lance Stephenson and Paul George won’t be around to take the ball out of his hands. Speaking of George, there have been rumors that he could still return before the end of the season, despite suffering one of the most gruesome injuries in recent memory.
WHY THEY WILL LOSE:
The Pacers are capital EFF YOU SEE KAY EE DEE, FUCKED. How they managed to be this fucked but still the 12th best team in the conference is only a testament to how dreadful the bottom of the East is. While the bottom half of the conference is horrendous, the middle of the pack actually got much stronger, which is one of the many reasons the Pacers are royally screwed. If we think back to their free fall ending of a season, the Pacers really struggled with scoring the ball, primarily on the perimeter. This problem only gets worse once you account for George being out the rest of the season (there is absolutely no good reason to rush him back from an injury like that) and Lance making rap videos as a member of the Charlotte Hornets. So their two best perimeter creators are being replaced by Rodney Stuckey, whom is a good player but come on, he’s nowhere near PG or Lance’s level. I mean, re-read that third sentence in the previous paragraph. THEY’RE GOING TO RELY ON ROY HIBBERT FOR OFFENSE! I think I’d rather be diagnosed with a life threatening illness than put faith in Roy to carry my offense. I’m sorry Pacer fans, but that championship window has slammed shut.
Quick story before we continue. I woke up and went straight to a local coffee shop to write this post. As I grinded away at this preview, I realized I was making a crucial mistake when it comes to writing: I was sober. I texted my friend Maria letting her know I’m basically fucking up at life (we usually have this conversation about once a week regarding my colossal fuck ups). She hit me back with this text “Seattle coffee shops are where you go to write novels, bars are where greatness happens.”
"Excuse me, I will have 12 shots of tequila, please. Oh no, those are just for me. What do you girls want?"
Needless to say I took care of that pesky sobriety issue and pursued greatness. Which means I’m also liable to say some wacky shit going forward. Buckle the fuck up.
Despite somehow being worse than the 76ers last season, I actually think this Bucks team will surprise people. It starts with the Greek Freak whom I’ve affectionately dubbed Giannas Anteto-fucking-kounmpo. As I covered in the Summer of Fuck It post, Giannis is one of the most intriguing young players going forward in the NBA. He has Kevin Durant potential due to his size, build, and athletic ability. If he can shoot even remotely like KD, then look out for the Bucks. Of course, Giannis Anteto-fucking-kounmpo isn’t even the most celebrated player going into the season. That distinction goes to rookie Jabari Parker, a player that already has a game winner under his belt during the NBA preseason. Jabari Parker is so good, me and my brother referred to Duke last season as simply “The Jabaris”. He probably won’t be the second coming of Melo everyone is predicting right away, but he’ll be a player. All in all, the Bucks are decent to solid at every position and have ridiculous length in the paint thanks to John Henson and Larry Sanders.
Let’s not get carried away though, this is still the freaking Bucks. I’m just saying they’ll be way better than they were last season. After all, we still have no idea if Jason Kidd is actually a good coach or if he got lucky that half of the East was tanking last season. Kidd won’t have the luxury of establish veterans picking up his mess this year and if it turns out Kidd is the coach we thought he was in December last year, this could be a long, messy season for the Bucks. While Jabari and Giannis will be reasons to watch the team, they will still have growing pains as Giannis tries to figure out what position he plays and Jabari adjusts to the speed and athleticism of the NBA. This is not a playoff team, but they’ll be worth following for a good portion of the season.
HOW THEY CAN WIN:
Believe it or not, but not many current coaches in the NBA have made it to the NBA Finals. Off the top of my head, I can only think of Doc Rivers, Pop, Spolestra, Scott Brooks (somehow), Rick Carlisle, and Stan Van Gundy. Well guess what Detroit fans? One of those guys is now your coach! The idea of teaming up SVG and man-child Andre Drummond is beyond tantalizing especially once you being to appreciate the similarities between Orlando Dwight Howard and Drummond. What's also encouraging is that NBA players that spend time playing for Coach K and Team USA have a tendency to have break out years the following season. Drummond was a member of that gold medal winning team and he will be coming back to a situation where he will be the man. SVG also once turned Hedo Turkogulu and Rashard Lewis into max contact players, which is encouraging for those under achieving members of the roster (we’ll get to them). Jodie Meeks and DJ Augustin are two players that can remedy Detroit’s perimeter shooting woes from last season.
Those perimeter shooting woes are almost entirely due to the combo of Josh Smith and Brandon Jennings. Both of these players came into the season as the marquee names needed to push the Pistons back into the playoffs. And both of these guys were an absolute mess last season. A lot of that had to do with former coach Mo Cheeks having no clue what to do with their offense. The biggest obstacle for the former Bad Boys will be trying to figure out Greg Monroe. The lineup of Smith, Monroe, and Drummond is the epitome of a clusterfuck and is a big reason why Josh Smith was forced to shoot so many threes. I think Smith can be an effective player as a Piston, but he just needs to play the 4, not the 3. If the Pistons try to force this lineup again, it throws off everyone's game, including Jennings. The bottom line is Monroe needs to go, but who will take him? He is expecting max money despite, ya know, never really accomplishing anything. Monroe will be harder to dump than expected. If they can make a trade, then the Pistons could crash the playoff party. In the meantime, I apologize to Danny and J Palm for sticking Detroit in this spot.
WHY THEY WILL WIN:
They got a huge coaching upgrade in the form of Western Conference Finalist, Lionel Hollins. This is a defensive coach that will be able to adjust the game for his older, veteran players. The Nets were actually a pretty solid defensive team last season and getting Hollins should only amp up their potential on that end of the floor. They will also be getting Brook Lopez back after he suffered a fractured foot last season. Brook might be the most polished offensive post player in the league, which will help Joe Johnson and Deron Williams shoulder the scoring load after losing Paul Pierce in the offseason. The Nets can also look forward to the next leap they get out of Team USA member Mason Plumlee.
WHY THEY WILL LOSE:
I just don’t trust this team. Call it a gut feeling. Both Lopez and Williams have a lengthy history of injuries, which makes it impossible to predict the type of season they will have. If they can stay healthy and play at the level we’ve known them to produce at, then that’s a different story. But if they suffer setbacks, which is almost guaranteed, then there’s really no one else on the roster that can fill that void. I mean Alan Anderson is pretty good and Jarrett Jack has his moments where he is a great back up, but that’s not enough to break into the middle of the Eastern Conference pack. There’s also the frequent turmoil that seems to go on in the Nets front office. Granted most of that was caused by the now departed Jason Kidd, but it’s starting to sound like their owner is seriously rethinking his investment in the team. It feels like the Nets are due for a tumultuous season filled with injury and personnel panic moves.
HOW THEY CAN WIN:
"Playoffs?!?!"
I'm not writing off the Heat quite yet. I think they will be in the playoff conversation and believe it or not, it will have a lot to do with a resurgent Chris Bosh. Many have argued that Bosh needs to revert to the Toronto version of himself, but I think Bosh has evolved into such a versatile scorer that he will be a huge asset for the Heat. Especially when you consider that there are not many big men in the the NBA that can guard him one on one. There’s also the D-Wade factor to consider. He’ll be rejuvenated as he no longer has to take a back seat to LeBron James. Since there won't be a need to save Wade for a late playoff push, I think he'll be in a better rhythm that will allow him to reclaim some of his former form. Luol Deng is an obvious downgrade from LeBron, but he is still a very serviceable jack-of-all-trades kind of player that can play in Miami’s aggressive trapping defense. We will also get to see what coach Spo is really made of now that he doesn’t have James to lean on.
They have to revamp their entire offense because LeBron did basically everything for them. Without James, Miami will not be raining three pointers the way they have been the past four years. Which means even more work for perennial scapegoat Mario Chalmers, which is alarming to say the least. While I mentioned that Wade will be better than he has been in years, the question remains if he can sustain that for a full season. In the Finals, after sitting out almost 30 regular season games, Wade looked burnt out and nothing like the All-Star that shot 50% from the field. If Miami loses Wade for a chunk of the season again, there’s no way Bosh and Deng can repair the damage, no matter how well they play. The days of continual Finals appearances are over without a doubt, but they should have enough in the tank to reach a playoff berth.
#7 Atlanta Hawks
HOW THEY CAN WIN:
Before Al Horford went down with a torn pectoral muscle, the Hawks were the third best team in the Eastern Conference. Behind Paul Milsap, Jeff Teague, and Kyle Korver, the Hawks still managed to push the Pacers to a game 7 in the playoffs. Now that they have their leader and best player back, anything is possible with this squad. They play in an offense similar to the San Antonio Spurs, which basically means they whip the ball around the court at an insane pace and any player on the floor can score. If Atlanta can stay healthy, it wouldn't be entirely surprising if they have one of the best offenses in the league. Also, after dealing with the scandal involving their owner and his unfortunate outlook on race relations in Atlanta (by the way, why are we shocked that an old, insanely wealthy, white guy is racist? This shouldn't have surprised anyone. The interesting part is that his observation that the white consumers in Atlanta want nothing to do with the black consumers is probably pretty spot on. His solution for this “problem" was not even close to well thought out, which is why he is no longer the owner. I'll get off of my soap box now), it's totally possible that the team bands together and goes on a big run throughout the season. But most importantly, the Hawks are bringing back the Pacman logo, which can only mean good things, right?
Right?!?!
WHY THEY WILL LOSE:
Unfortunately for the Hawks, the East got much better. I predict that the Hawks will be one of the stronger teams in the East, but I can't be convinced that they'll breeze right past Charlotte, Toronto, and Washington. While the Hawks tout potential All-Stars in Horford, Millsap, and Teague, they simply don't have the star power to hang with the big boys of the conference. There's also the aforementioned scandal, which could unite the team and everything, but it also has left the management and front office in shambles. This is problematic for multiple reasons and could be the thing that harms the Hawks this season. I'll probably regret ranking them this low, but Atlanta is definitely a wait and see kind of team this season.
[Editor's note: I remember writing this and immediately regretting it. But like I said earlier, I was clearly drunk when I wrote this. No example of said sloppy drunkness is more evident then this next section]
#6 New York Knicks
[Told you, wasted]
That's what happens when Hemingway is your spirit animal
HOW THEY CAN WIN:
I’m just as shocked as you are that the Knicks leap frogged the Nets and Hawks for this spot. But something tells me this could be the first step of New York’s journey back to basketball relevance. Melo got his money and can focus on infiltrating the next tier of elite players. They also upgraded on the bench by replacing Mike Woodson with basically anyone with a pulse. Who knows if first year coach Derek Fisher will be able to push this team over the top, but you have to remember that his boss is the greatest coach of all time that took the likes of Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant over the top. Instituting the Triangle offense will be beneficial to Melo, especially since he’s such a dangerous player on the low block and pinch post, two crucial spots in the Triangle. Raymond Felton has been sent packing and replaced with ideal Triangle point guard Jose Calderon. While the Knicks are still figuring out what the hell to do with Iman Shumpert and Team Fuck It coach JR Smith, there is a silver lining in the form of second year guard Tim Hardaway Jr., a sharp shooter that will thrive in the Triangle. Also, we mentioned how Rajon Rondo is on his way out of Boston and it is not inconceivable that he ends up in New York with Melo. So keep an eye out for that.
I just mention JR Smith and the Triangle is pretty close proximity to one another, which if they were mentioned in the same sentence it would probably give Tex Winter a heart attack. And now that I have mentioned them in the same sentence, I apologize for accidently killing Tex Winter.
While Phil Jackson was able to get wild cards like Ron Artest and hard heads like Bryant to assimilate to the system, it’s gonna be tough for coach Fisher to sell Earl on playing within the offense. JR Smith is the type of guy that would respond with, “Bitch, I am the offense!” So that’ll be an interesting subplot to follow. Really the main issue is that Melo is the only remotely dependable post player on the roster. For the those that don’t know, the Triangle was originally called the triple post offense. So it’s kind of a big problem that the Knicks are trotting out the carcasses of Amar’e Stoudemire, Samuel Dalembert, and Andrea Bargnani. And that’s just the offensive side of the ball. All three of these guys are minuses when it comes to rebounding and defending their positions. You can score all the points in the world, but it doesn’t mean shit if you can’t defend and rebound. It’ll be tough but I think a break out year by Hardaway Jr. and an MVP caliber season by Carmelo will get the Knicks back in the playoffs.
[Editor's note: I might need another drink after reading how stupid I am]
#5 Charlotte Hornets
HOW THEY CAN WIN:
Lance! Lance! Lance! And some more Lance! The former Bobcats shocked the world when they crashed the playoffs party on the backs of Al Jefferson dominating the post, a suffocating defense, and the occasional Kemba Walker break out game. While they lost Josh McRoberts and, to a lesser extent, Chris Douglas-Roberts, they did gain a player that led the league in triple-doubles last season in Lance Stephenson. They also added rookies Noah Vonleh and PJ Hairston, whom is a walking conviction but is also a very talented wing. The Hornets, returning to their teal and purple roots, improved their offense by adding the creativity of Lance, as well as maintained and even improved their defensive integrity. On top of all this, it is alleged that Michael Kidd-Gilchrist did the unthinkable and learned how to actually shoot a jump shot. Dare I say that Michael Jordan the executive is actually making positive contributions to his team?
No, it isn't possible
WHY THEY WILL LOSE:
Lance, aka Born Ready, is an absolute enigma. You never know what the hell he is going to do next. One moment he’s penetrating the defense and finishing at the rim, the next he’s throwing behind the back passes out of bounds and blowing in player’s ears. And this was under the watchful eye of Larry Bird in Indiana. If you don’t know much about Larry Legend, basically all that you need to know is that he doesn’t take shit from anyone. He could kidnap Liam Neeson’s daughter and Liam would be like “It’s cool, bro.” So the fact that Lance was wild’n in Indy doesn’t bode well now that he’s out of Larry’s control. It also doesn’t bode well that Indy’s post players, allegedly, had issues with Lance last season. Last time I checked, this was clearly Al Jefferson’s team, and if Lance rubs him the wrong way it could torpedo their whole season. Also, what happens if it turns out that MKG still can’t shoot after all? How can you play one of your best defensive players if he is such a huge offensive liability? Year one of the Lance era in Charlotte will have it’s bumps, but this team is far too good defensively to not make the playoffs.
The Wizards roll out an excellent starting five with John Wall, Bradley Beal, Paul Pierce, Nene, and Marcin Gortat. That's a formidable line up. John Wall is one of those point guards that jumps back and forth between being overrated and underrated. In my opinion, he's severely underrated. The guy is an absolute terror in the open court and he is superb in getting into the teeth of the defense and finding an open three point shooter. Bradley Beal, once he returns from injury, will continue to blossom and will be the prime beneficiary of Wall's drive and kicks. It helps that Dion Waiters has poked the bear with a stick by suggesting that Beal and Wall are not the best backcourt in basketball. While that title easily goes to the Splash Brothers in Golden State, it will give these competitive young guards the incentive they need to step their game up. Even though Paul Pierce is an unrelenting douchebag, he's the type of locker room personality that will help those two grow and he will be able to knock down corner threes for days. The front duo of Gortat and Nene will continue to be excellent screen setters and finishers on the block, as well as newly acquired back ups Kris Humphries and Dejuan Blair. The juniors of the squad, Otto Porter Jr. and Glen Rice Jr., dominated the summer league and could emerge as legitimate contributors off the bench.
WHY THEY WILL LOSE:
HOW THEY CAN WIN:
Let’s bullet point some of the reason’s everyone believes the Bulls will be in the conversation for Eastern Conference champions:
- Derrick Rose is back
- They added offensive players in the form of Doug McDermott, Pau Gasol, Aaron Brooks, and Nikola Mirotic
- Derrick Rose is back and played a summer full of competitive basketball with the FIBA World Cup squad
- Their coach is a psychopath that will run his players into the ground if it means winning
- D-Reezy is back
- Their defensive system revolutionized how every team in the league plays defense
- Former MVP Derrick Rose appears healthy and back to full strength
- Joakim Noah will be able to stay healthy the whole season since there is a deeper front court bench, which a healthy Noah for 82 games is a terrifying thought. It’s even scarier when you imagine the high-low offense him and Gasol can run
- DERRICK ROSE IS FUCKING BACK
HOW THEY CAN LOSE:
Derrick Rose is fucking back and no one really knows what that means. Rose being out of the NBA for two full years has been easily the most depressing thing to happen in the NBA in a long time. And now that he’s back, all questions surrounding the Bulls focus squarely on his shoulders. Never mind the fact that Pau Gasol might actually be done as a premier player or that Jimmy Butler hasn’t grown as an offensive player. We can also ignore, as pointed out earlier, that coach Tom Thibodeau has a tendency to ruin his players by the time the playoffs start. We can also forget that LeBron James routinely owns the Bulls in the playoffs. Never mind all of that, because apparently everything lives and dies with Derrick Rose. And if a Bulls fan followed FIBA basketball at all this summer, they’re probably a little bit worried. Was Rose back to being one of the best athletes on the planet? Yes, and that is an amazing accomplishment all things considering. Was he dominate? No, not even close. Now, that could be because he was sharing a backcourt with Stephan Curry and tournament MVP Kyrie Irving, as well as the fact that international basketball has never been beneficial for a game like Rose’s. But this should be a little alarming. He missed A LOT of shots at the rim even though he got there with ease. This is Rose’s bread and butter. If he doesn’t feel comfortable finishing at the rim, that ruins Chicago. And I haven’t even broached the much debated issue of his knees holding up. Whether it’s fair or not, everyone will judge this season based on what happens with Rose, and unfortunately there are too many questions to firmly lock them in as the Eastern Conference Finalist.
HOW THEY CAN WIN:
Am I the only one that thinks it’s crazy that everyone is sleeping on the Drakes? After one of their best seasons in franchise history, albeit that’s not too hard to accomplish, they managed to bring back every crucial piece to the puzzle. They re-signed Kyle Lowry, whom was the best point guard in the East last season. A quick story about Mr. Lowry. I was invited by Goggles contributor Kevin Read to co-own a fantasy basketball team. It was an auction draft and by the time we were able to locate a place with an internet connection, since my router is from 1996 apparently, we had autodrafted Russell Westbrook for $83. We had a $200 budget so spending 80 bucks on a top flight talent like Westbrook was fine with us. We started plotting to grab a multiple-position big man when Kyle Lowry came on the board. The bids started rising to the point where we acknowledged that we would pass on Lowry, especially since we already had Westbrook. Well, since we were so late to the party, we didn’t realize that autodraft was still up and running, leading to us draft Lowry for $50 bucks. Basically, we had spent $130 of our available $200 on point guards. We managed to salvage the draft and field a solid roster, but the moral of the story is that Kyle Lowry better be a fucking beast this season. And ya know what? I think he will be. I also have a great feeling about first time All-Star DeMar DeRozen making another leap as Lowry and DeRozen make a bid for best backcourt in the league. Once you add all the other components of last season’s squad, it’s totally believable that the Raptors will be one of the best regular season teams.
WHY THEY WILL LOSE:
You see what I did there? With that little qualifier? They’ll be awesome for the regular season, but this is not a squad that can strike fear into my heart during the playoffs. Going seven games with Brooklyn is great experience, but for a second let’s compare them to the Oklahoma City Thunder. It took quite some time and a handful of playoff losses before OKC grew to become a juggernaut. The Raptors are in that same precocious stage right now. They have the pieces in place, but it’s going to take one more year of heartache before they can realize their potential. Especially when you consider the playoff experience of Chicago and the Cleveland brick wall. The playoffs will be a struggle but look for Toronto to lock up one of the top three spots in the Eastern Conference.
HOW THEY CAN WIN:
If LeBron James is still alive and playing basketball, your team has a 90% chance of being awesome. I was sold on Cleveland being the favorite to win the East as soon as LeBron published that essay. I don’t know how many times I have to say it, but he’s LeBron Fucking James! Have you not been watching basketball the last ten years? How is whatever team he’s on not automatically the favorite? Then you combine that with Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love?! That’s just not even fair. To top it off, David Blatt is the type of wild card coach that will bring some unseen things to the table and have the personnel that can pull it off. And I haven’t even mentioned Kyrie yet. Like, bruh. This is like being an expert at Kirby in Super Smash Bros. Not even fair.
Don't wave at me you motherfucker
WHY THEY WILL LOSE:
It should be bothersome that two of the new big three has logged exactly zero playoff minutes. The last big game Kevin Love played in was when he got annihilated by Memphis in the Final Four. Kyrie Irving's biggest game was basically a guaranteed win in the FIBA Finals. Maybe this is nitpicking, but that means something, right? Of course, the East is the least of their problems since they'll make it to the Finals. It's no secret that the West is ridiculously stupid loaded once again. Those teams will be forged by fire and they could dismantle a Cleveland team reliving LeBron’s first year in Miami. And I’m not trying to jinx LeBron to a championship, but it’s Cleveland. They are not meant to win a championship. If Cleveland wins a championship, I might have to question everything I know about life.
Pics, stats, and other shit courtesy of:
http://media.giphy.com/media/n8LOaQyDyiEhi/giphy.gif
http://www3.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Elfrid+Payton+BBVA+Compass+Rising+Stars+Challenge+wC-felE3rRMl.jpg
http://www3.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Jacque+Vaughn+Y3zTRIKil4jm.jpg
http://www.nbapassion.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Tracy_Mcgrady_ORL.jpg
http://image.cdn.ispot.tv/ad/7VSI/aspca-neglect-and-abused-animals-large-6.jpg
http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0jlllWtF91qhjbxeo1_250.gif
http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/1367953531_ptMJSJU.gif
http://www.marylandbartending.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/ordering-a-drink.jpg
https://thenypost.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/greek1.jpg
http://cdn.fansided.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/67/files/2014/12/josh-smith-brandon-jennings-nba-preseason-detroit-pistons-atlanta-hawks-850x560.jpg
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--XdfoKDJO--/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/rizqjdmhkkgcenb3pfoc.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/OYxki6x.jpg
http://memecrunch.com/meme/1TKE4/my-bad/image.png
http://sports.cbsimg.net/images/visual/whatshot/071514_lance.jpg
https://thenypost.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/michael_jordan1.jpg
http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/John+Wall+Bradley+Beal+0GW4VQx1x42m.jpg
https://d13csqd2kn0ewr.cloudfront.net/uploads/image/file/109095/w640xh480_USPW_710375.jpg?ts=1429387227
http://www.magicbasketballonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/dancing-bulls-fans-gif.gif
http://www.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/2014323/rs_320x178-140423094902-849583446.gif
http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/supersmashbroscrossover/images/5/5c/Kirby.png/revision/latest?cb=20120621191140
No comments:
Post a Comment